Hello, dear readers. This is the part of my website where I encourage you to be creative, particularly if you are unemployed, marginally employed, bored at work, or a soldier in the War On Terror. Since this is the Internet, and since I am a dorky, if minor, cultural commodity, I urge you to produce fan fiction starring me.

What in the name of Lionel Trilling am I talking about? Well, when my book was originally published, in September 2000, I received several excellent examples of Neal Pollack Fan Fiction, written, for the most part, by young strangers who found me inspiring. Examples of these can be found here.

But of late, the well has dried. I am attempting to make it wet again, with this common plea. I make a promise to you now: If you send me Fan Fiction, I will publish it in this space. You will receive an honorary medical degree from me that will appear on your byline. And, as Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor sang in Moulin Rouge, a movie about which I have written much fan fiction, I'm gonna love you until my dying day.

At the end of the year, the best three fan fictions will receive a free copy of the original hardback edition of The Neal Pollack Anthology of American Literature. I will send it myself, and pay for the postage.

The possibilities have few limits in the world of fan fiction. You can write stories about having sex with me, or beating me up. You can write a single story, or one in 14 parts. You can write stories that feature me along with characters from the X-Files, The Lord of the Rings, or Star Trek. You can write about my adventures with The Rolling Stones or Boyz II Men, or with any other musical group you wish. Your stories can include Halle Berry, Pamela Anderson, or the Incredible Hulk. You can also make up your own characters, or the story can just be about you and me. Your imagination must be your guide.

To submit, click here. Send me an email and attach your story as a Microsoft Word document. And remember this: If you're looking to pad your resume, you can always say you've been published on Nealpollack.com. That will really impress the editors and college admissions officers. I'm really into your writing.

--NP