The Poetry Of The Blue States [Nov 11, 2004]

I'm going to wrap up another busy week of literary onanism encouraging you all to donate money to the students of Harlem's Frederick Douglass Academy, who, thanks to the hard work of my new friend Lee Isles and many others, now possess their own copies of The Old Man And The Sea and The House On Mango Street, two books whose only commonality is the fact that their titles begin with "The." Now Lee is trying to raise money so the class can enjoy a unit on The Harlem Renaissance. Read these letters from students if your heartstrings aren't already tugged, and please donate through the link above if you see fit.

Now then, what else? Brutal, senseless slaughter in Fallujah. Move along. Nothing to see here.

And, since it seems to be my current destiny to track ridiculous, immature, and pompous generalizations about the "Red States" by residents of the "Blue States," I would like to present you with a poem by a writer named Adam Wasson, which may serve as the eulogy to this terrible genre of writing. Thanks to Susan Mainzer for calling it to my attention. And now,

My State is Blue
by Adam Wasson

Today you are joyous while I’m filled with rue
I canvassed, I voted, what more could I do?
I said invasion and you said “rescue”
Your state is red; my state is blue

You protect companies I want to sue
I’m pro-first amendment, you like number two
You promote abstinence; I like to screw
Your state is red; my state is blue

You say “be strong” and I say “be true”
I say “homophobia,” you say “value”
You’re killing health care and I’ve got the flu
Your state is red; my state is blue

You like the Cowboys, I side with the Sioux
My pets go “meow” and your pets go “moo”
You think that crap in the Bible is true
Your state is red; my state is blue

I fought the good fight, did all I could do
There are millions of me, and yet more of you
Oh Cheney, Cheney, you bastard, I’m through
Your state is red; my state is blue

Adam, there are so many words that rhyme with "blue." It's easy! Let me try a verse.

I like Bruce Springsteen but you like the Crue
You'd rather shoot children than go to the zoo.
My shit smells like roses, but yours is just poo.
Your state is red; my state is blue.

What a goofball. Have a great weekend.