The Blog-Making Of The President [Aug 25, 2003]

By now, we all realize that the Presidential candidate with the best and most sophisticated Internet presence will sweep to victory in 2004 without losing a state, maybe without losing a vote. The power of the Internet has become that intense, its influence that pervasive. Last week, I featured excerpts from the blogs of several Democratic Presidential candidates. The response was overwhelming. As I told all three people who wrote saying that they enjoyed the feature, there will be more of the same. Because the candidates are going to blog all the way to Iowa, and the ones that survive will blog some more.

So today, because it makes you all happy, I'm going to present more excerpts. Make an informed choice. After all, a candidate is not a Friendster. Or is he? I hear Howard Dean has a lot of Friendsters. Hush, now, Neal. Enjoy.

JOSEPH LIEBERMAN, August 19---Last night I had a dream where Johnny Depp and I were going to see a show at The Empty Bottle, except it wasn't really the Empty Bottle. It was more like in a field, and my ex-girlfriend watched while I kissed Johnny Depp. The dream was really strange because in the dream I wasn't taking my medication and Johnny Depp loved me for who I really was. Then I woke up and had to take my car in for an oil change, which totally sucked because my cat's dying and I want to spend time with her.

DENNIS KUCHINICH, August 20--Modest Mouse is playing the Beachland this weekend, and I am SO totally there. They're not nearly as good now as before they got popular, but I'm gonna say it right here: No one puts on a rock show like Modest Mouse.

HOWARD DEAN, August 21--Heidi Julavits has this manifesto up at The Believer, which, as you know, is the latest project from the talentless ironists at McSweeneys, which is trying to be all sincere now, and it's not working. Julavits wants to have it both ways: To get her book reviewed and also to have people read and enjoy it. What Ms. Julavits (who is Dave Eggers' ex-wfe), doesn't seem to understand is that literature as she and her elite consorts know it will soon be consumed in the fire of the proletariat literary revolution. Every day, real writers are producing the people's literature, and it's only a matter of time before they rise up to unseat their bourgeois masters. I anxiously await the day.

AL SHARPTON, August 22--I just can't stop watching "I Love The 70s." It's so totally addictive. Hal Sparks is annoying, though.

CAROL MOSELEY BRAUN, August 23--What I'm listening to now: Fountains Of Wayne, The New Pornographers, The Mountain Goats, Belle And Sebastian, and some Stephen Merritt side project that my roommate's boyfriend gave me. Also, if you're ever in Chicago, you should check out my roommate's band, Heavens To Betsy. They're kind of like Veruca Salt meets Nancy Sinatra playing in Combustible Edison's living room.

JOHN KERRY, August 24--I'm really impressed at what Neal Pollack's doing. Not only is he publishing a novel, but he's publicizing it by going on tour with a rock band. How revolutionary! Neal is really going to change the way books are marketed in this country. You should all follow his example. And give to his tour fund by clicking on the Donate button to your right.

RICHARD GEPHARDT, August 25--Did you see that episode of Queer Eye where they took off the guy's back hair? Gross! I totally want to be on Queer Eye, though.