My Name Is Michael Savage, And I Am A Homosexual Who Enjoys The Private Company Of Immigrants [Jun 25, 2003]

(Editor's note: Today, as you know, is Appropriate Michael Savage's Name For Your Own Purposes Day, in response to the right-wing media personality Michael Savage's dumb-ass lawsuit against three websites that exist solely or largely to criticize him. I've requested that as many bloggers and other website-keepers as possible dogpile onto Mr. Savage, because he can't sue us all. Keep tuning in to my website all day today, as it will serve as a clearinghouse for all the participants. And if you like what you see here, consider donating, down a bit and to your right, to my band's tour fund. Having that financial stress off my plate will keep my website spicy all summer, and I know you like spicy sites.

Now then. I was going to Appropriate Michael Savage today, but as it turns out, I didn't have to. Mr. Savage sent me an email two nights ago, trying to explain himself. So here I present a letter from Michael Savage himself. Enjoy. --NP)

By Michael Savage

In the past year, I've received a lot of criticism, much of it unwarranted, from gay groups, many of whom have urged a boycott of my radio and television shows and of my book. They seem to think that just because I rant on and on about the "homosexual lobby" and "homosexual agenda," that I hate homosexuals. Nothing could be further from the truth. Such hatred, on my part, would be self-hatred. Because I, Michael Savage, am a homosexual.

Yes, that's right. Michael Savage is gay. Tell everyone. Michael Savage is a big fat old queer. And as such, I like doing the things that most gay people do, such as walking my dog, mowing my lawn, and eating dinner. I do all of those things as a homosexual.

Of course, I also enjoy having sex with men. I wouldn't be a homosexual if I didn't. But I'm a private person and try to keep that side of my life from view. Generally, on the weekends, I slip down near the border, to towns like El Paso or Calexico, or Nogales, and I wait in a certain spot, pre-arranged by a coyote. A new shipment usually comes in around dusk. If I see a man I like, I say to him, through an interpreter, "Welcome to America! Would you like to come back to my trailer for a beer and maybe a job?"

We usually talk for a while, this immigrant and I, and then I send the interpreter away, and then the fresh-faced Mexican or Guatemalan and I really go at it, whether he wants to or not. Oh, boy, do I, Michael Savage, love having gay sex with newly-arrived immigrants!

Oh, sure, when the sex is over, I'm ashamed of myself, and I generally arrange to have my partner taken back across the border. Then I go on the radio and fulminate about how the borders should be sealed. But about five days later, I feel the hunger gnaw my belly. I know for sure, once again, that I will slake my thirst with another bracero cocktail.

So, to conclude, I, Michael Savage, media personality who sues websites for appropriating my name for their own commercial purposes, am also a homosexual who loves to fuck immigrants. Shout it aloud! Michael Savage is gay, gay, gay! I am ashamed no more!