Tomorrow You Must Savage Savage, And Other Matters [Jun 24, 2003]

After two weeks of very hard organizing, going house to house, precinct to precinct, putting in what we call in the business "serious hand time," the hour has arrived. Thursday, June 26, is Appropriate Michael Savage's Name For Your Own Purposes day. To see a complete description of what I'm talking about, go here. For a complete description of the silly lawsuit leveled against innocent websites by media "personality" Michael "Savage" Weiner, go here. Rally behind our shrill far-left brothers and sisters. Defend free speech. This site will be your headquarters to track results of the day. If you decide to Appropriate Michael Savage, email me, and I'll make sure your project gets seen by dozens.

In other important news, I'm about to leave on vacation. From June 30 to July 11, this site will be the provenance of young Matthew Tobey, an editor at the humor website Haypenny. Tobey has filled in for me before, admirably. For reasons I don't quite understand, he has his own blog, where he toils away in darkness. Good luck, Matt. I'll think of you often as I attempt to repress my lust for Hillary Duff in the quaint motels of the area around Colorado Springs.

I want to address the mockery that I've received about my statement, made a week ago, that I would "eat my own shit for breakfast" if Hillary Clinton's new book sold more than 500,000 copies. Well, I'm nothing if not a man of honor. So tomorrow morning, as you all read this sentence, I will be eating a steamy helping of my own shit, topped with a poached egg. I never said I couldn't have my shit with egg. And Tabasco. And toast. It might not be that bad, really.

Meanwhile, certain nervous nellies left over from the failed Rainesian era of the New York Times continue to harp on the unimportant idea that George W. Bush deliberately lied to ensure that we'd go to war with Iraq. What nonsense. Paul Krugman is obviously just upset that his side lost the war. Whether Bush lied about the weapons of mass destruction, or just bent the truth a bit, the war was still a good thing for everyone. Our economy is doing great, Iraq is peaceful and stable, and American and British soliders are home safe in their beds. Besides, even if Bush did lie, which he didn't, there were some things in his speeches that were, objectively, true. As recently as two months ago, the country of "Iraq" was ruled by "Saddam Hussein" who did have a "mustache." Bush never got any of those facts wrong, not once.

Finally, I thank those of you who've given to the Neal Pollack Invasion world tour 2003/2004 fund. Without your help, my band's van will have no gas, and therefore won't visit your city. Just today, a man, who in 2000 wrote an infamous article in a San Diego newspaper claiming that I was actually Dave Eggers, donated a generous sum of money. To this man, I say: You've made proper amends. I thank you, sir, and I thank the rest of my readers in advance. Give what you can, when you can.

Tomorrow we Appropriate Michael Savage's name. Let's take it in vain. He can't sue us all.