BUSLOAD OF SAILORS GOES DOWN ON CHENEY'S WIFE [Apr 1, 2003]

Todd Hanson, head writer for The Onion, contributes the following to Make Fun Of the Cheneys Day. Keep reading below for more fun-making.

BUSLOAD OF SAILORS GOES DOWN ON CHENEY'S WIFE

WASHINGTON, D.C.--A busload of sailors went down on Vice-President Dick Cheney's wife today, sources close to the couple reported. "This is outrageous!" Cheney's lawyer, David S. Addington, said of the sailors' marathon oral sex session with Lynne Cheney, 97, which took place in full view of much of the drive-time traffic in downtown Washington this morning. "This sort of thing should not be allowed. I must insist that any sailors going down on the Vice-President's wife cease and desist this deplorable and offensive action immediately!" A spokesperson for the sailors, the ACLU's Denise Franks, defended the orgiastic behavior of the Mavy non-coms. "This busload of sailors is protected by the Bill Of Rights to go down on anyone they choose, as long as it is a willing and enthusiastic partner of the type represented by Mrs. Cheney." The sailors, as well as the sated Mrs. Cheney, adopted a similar position in their defense, adding that once Operation: Iraqi Freedom has brought liberty to the people of Iraq, then busloads of Iraqis would enjoy the same right to go down on the Vice-President's wife as we Americans already enjoy. Mrs. Cheney expressed "fervent hope" that war ends soon, and that she eagerly awaits the opportunity to "hopefully start going down on busloads of free, democratic Iraqis" in the near future. Added Mrs. Cheney, "I urge all Americans to join me in my full support of the troops."