You're Someone Special: A Message From Mr. Rogers [Feb 27, 2003]

Hello, everyone. I know you're very sad about my passing. Well, I'm sad, too. I loved being alive very much, and I was very lucky to have lived the life I did. But I just want you to remember that death is part of life, and it's very hard, but if you lose someone you love, they'll always be alive in your heart.

If you're curious, heaven is very pleasant. King Friday is here, and so is Henrietta Pussycat. We've been getting reacquainted over soy milk and cookies. Right now they have me sharing a house with Mr. Green Jeans, but my condo is supposed to be ready by the end of the week. They're still finishing the kitchen. In case you're curious, God is kind, like I expected, but he's not very good at bowling.

One of the only good things about being dead is that I finally have time to follow my dream of researching current events on the Internet. There's free Internet access everywhere in heaven. I even know what's going to happen five years in the future, but I can't tell you because God would be mad. So instead, I'm going to take over this website from time to time and teach important lessons like only I can, based on the breaking news of the day.

Do you know what breaking news is? It's news that's happening right now. Why don't you come along with me to the Land Of Breaking News? Come on. Don't be afraid. Now sing:

The news breaks

The news breaks

Every day.

We all need to

Talk about it

In our own

Special way.

It's a wonderful thing

To have wonderful readers

Just like youse

Especially in the wonderful land

Of Breaking News.

Well, let's see what's available for us to read on the Internet today. Look at this. I believe it's the newsletter of the American Library Association. Poor Andrew J. O'Connor of Santa Fe, New Mexico. It seems that he got arrested for making disparaging comments about President Bush in an Internet chat room while he was at the public library. Under the new USA Patriot Act, it's illegal to say things against the President when you're on a library computer. In fact, the government now has the power to demand that libraries and bookstores turn over lists of books purchased or borrowed by people who the Department of Justice suspects of "terrorism."

Do you know what a terrorist is? Don't worry. Either does the government.

Even more interesting is this: Librarians and bookstore people have to turn over these lists on demand, boys and girls. And the Patriot Act contains a "gag order" that prohibits them from telling anyone about the "investigation." If they do talk, they could go to jail, too.

Do you like going to the library? I did, when I was alive. But in some ways, I'm glad I'm not alive anymore, because you could go to jail just for checking out a book.

Can you say evil secret thought police?

I thought you could.

What else is on the Internet today? Well, here's an article from The Denver Post, one of my favorite newspapers. Why, it looks like The Pentagon has a new idea. If our soldiers are killed in a biological or chemical weapons attack in the upcoming war with Iraq, the Army may be instructed to dump the bodies in mass graves and burn them.

Can you say this is a vile insult to the men and women who fight for our country and a debasement of the memory of people who died for the flag in wars that actually meant something?

I thought you could. As one seemingly sane Army man says in the article, "If you are told your son was killed in Iraq but buried in a mass grave, you are going to be forever speculative on how he died."

Indeed.

Well, it's time for me to go. I have a date to play poker with Jim Henson and his magical Muppet friends. They cheat, but I don't care. So sing with me! Goodbye!

Tomorrow

Tomorrow

May be Neal Pollack's

Birthday

But don't send him

Gifts.