I've Woken Up to Reality Something Fierce [Jan 30, 2003]

Hiya readers, it's me Christoper Monks again. Only a few more days and Uncle Neal comes back, so bear with my ranting and a raving until then. You've all been very patient with me, watching me grow from a little, nervous guest-blogger into a bigger, more nervous guest-blogger. Fortunately, I've received some highly erotic poems inspired by President Bush's State of the Union address that have both steadied and aroused my nerves. The talent among Neal's readership is striking, effortless really, it's as if these poets wrote their pieces on the fly, in a matter of mere seconds. Oh, to be touched by genius!

Speaking of genius, I cannot leave my guest-blogging stint here without commenting on the brilliance of the recent entries in reality television. We live in a lucky time, my peeps, a time where talented, high school-educated, and, for the most part, hot people can make their mark on television history. Here then are a few of my favorite reality stars of the day...

Sarah from "Joe Millionaire"
When I initally saw that Sarah was going to be a contestant on this Fox reality show, I was a little surprised. Why anyone would want to jeopardize their successful career in bondage and foot fetish films to take part in a trashy rip-off of "The Bachelor" was beyond me. Yet, as she did in her breakout performance for "Dirty Soled Dolls," Sarah rose to the occasion and proved that she is most definitely reality-tv-star worthy. Kudos!

Dan from "High School Reunion"
Oh, it isn't easy to have once been a high school heartthrob. I don't speak from experience, of course, as my days in high school were spent mostly hiding from my school's mean-but-oh-so-handsome high school heartthrob (think Andrew McCarthy, but with a bipolar disorder), but I can't imagine how hard it must be to live an adult life with the knowledge that every chick in high school thought you were superfine. To top it off, Dan grew himself a gut and another chin in his 20s, yet he still is confident enough to strut around like he's God's gift to women. Mad props to you Dan.

The Corey from "This Surreal Life"
The Corey himself said he was doing the show for some "serious image repair." Well, not only is The Corey a five-tool entertainer (acting, signing, rapping, dancing, archery), he is a self-image fixing mechanic as well. I think I first noticed this when The Corey came down hard on Gabrielle Carteris about her meat-eating ways. Who does she think she is, Jennie Garth? I don't think so, Gabs. The world has to see that The Corey knows all, for The Corey is all-knowing and knows a lot more than anybody, Corey Haim excluded. I also have to mention The Corey's performance during the "This Surreal Life Backyard Talent Show." He dazzled me with his self-penned song "I Believe Again (In Love)" and god damnit, I believe in The Corey!

John from "The Department of Justice"
Man, has this guy taken some hits lately. The producers of "The Department of Justice" clearly are manipulating the footage through tricky editing to make John the show's "villain." Hey, I know we all need a bad guy: "One Day at a Time" would have been only watchable for signs of Mackenzie Phillips' drug abuse and glimpses of Valerie Bertinelli's killer hips if that annoying, treacherous Schneider character wasn't around, so yes, I understand the need for a successful show to have a foil. However, John is a regular person (who made a great audition tape, mind you, and just wanted to be famous like the other 50,000 people who applied for the show) who will have to return to a normal life after the program ends. Cut him some slack! So what if he doesn't like nude statues, civil liberties, or godless people? Who cares if he has led iffy-legal interrogations of every falafel stand operator on the eastern seaboard? The guy is just trying to do his job and get his fifteen minutes of fame. Is that so wrong? Plus, I think the episode where he befriended Clarence, the lonely, timid Supreme Court Justice, was touching and displayed just how much John's admittedly antiquated racial views have evolved over the course of the show. Way to go, John!

As always, feel free to share with me your ideas about today's topic. I'm also still accepting erotic poetry inspired by the State of the Union or any other current event. Apparently Neal has a new book out and it's available for purchase; follow this link if you'd like to put your money to good use. See you tomorrow for my fond farewell.