The State of My Union is Large, Baby [Jan 29, 2003]
Hello Americans and other people not from America, I'm Christopher Monks and I'm with you once again while Neal is away. I'm still coming down from last night’s brilliant display of Patriotism and topnotch teleprompter reading. President Bush outlined his vision for America last night, and I was incredibly revved up afterwards. I never get tired of hearing how much better we are than everybody. Why that was what was so great about high school, when the cool, but mean kids let me hang out with them every so often in the cafeteria. We’d sit around in our Member’s Only jackets and multiple layers of Oxford shirts, making fun of all the ugly and retarded kids. Oh, the power I felt! Yes, some of the glory wore off after I finished helping them with their homework and they stuffed me in a gym locker, but it was simply a show of their tough love for me. And from the eighteenth time on I stopped crying, thus earning their respect. But enough about my sordid past, I want to display my admiration for our President’s leadership in the best way I know how to: through my gift for writing erotic poetry. Here then is some fresh, sexy, and scintillating erotic poetry ("poésie érotique," if you will) inspired by President Bush’s State of the Union Speech.
The Course of Our Lovemaking
The course of our lovemaking
Does not depend
On the decisions of
Others
So I shall
Tap, Tap
Tap that ass
You can be confident
That in a whirlwind of change
And hope
And peril
Our faith is sure
Our resolve is firm
And my need to go downtown on you is strong
God Bless America
Let's go have some hot sex
I Want to Bang You Hard and Pump My Money Back Into the Economy
Lover. Friend. Soul mate. Landlady.
Wink-wink.
You say: NOT NOW
I say: WHEN?
You say: Maybe NEVER, maybe after "Celebrity Mole: Hawaii"
I say: But I want to BANG YOU HARD
You say: Go buy a SEX TOY
I say: You know, that’s NOT A BAD IDEA
You say: nothing
I say: Thanks to the tax cut I can buy a really good sex toy.
My Burn for You is Hot, Wet, and Faith-Based
Ooooooooh
Ooooooooh
Ooooooooh, I burn for you
I want to feel you from the inside, baby
I want to smack my skin against yours
And feel our pleasure intertwine
Ooooooooh, I love it when you want the kinky style
Pull up to my bumper, baby
What’s that?
You’re not into that anymore?
What counselor at the St. Catherine of the Virgin Mother Health Clinic?
She told you what?
No more bumper-to-bumper traffic action?
Ooooooooh
Ooooooooh
Ooooooooh that sucks
Wait a second—
I was baptized as a child
So I’m down with JC too
Can we take our pants off now?
Your Smell Makes Me Want to Bone You and Help Protect the Environment
Sniff-sniff
Mmm-mmm
Sniff-sniff
Mmm-mmm
Oooo, that smell
Ohhh, that smell
Can you smell that smell?
That smell that surrounds you?
So pure
So fresh
As clean as a hydrogen powered-automobile will be
You not only are full of energy and independence, but you improve the air
Sniff-sniff
Mmm-mmm
Sniff-sniff
Mmm-mmm
I want to bone you
Sex Song to Your Body, or How We Are Winning the War
Breasts heaving
Private parts tingling
The War goes on
And we are winning
Skin is glistening
Fluids are flowing
The War goes on
And we are winning
So close to climax
You shout out "Woo-hoo!"
You Believe in America
And America Believes in You
If you have some or your own erotic poetry based on the State of the Union address or any other current events, feel free to send it to me. If it’s erotic enough I’ll post it on the letters page. If you need inspiration, buy Neal’s book, or check out some other erotic poetry.
