Blix Breaks it Down [Jan 28, 2003]

Hi again. Christopher Monks here, continuing my week long stay filling in for Neal. Hope you’re well. I’m good. Strong, even. Alrighty, let’s cut right to the chase: Hans Blix updated the UN security counsel yesterday on what the inspection team has discovered thus far in Iraq. Here are the significant excerpts from his statement:

From paragraph two: “Iraq has on the whole cooperated rather well so far…the most important point to make is that access has been provided to all sites we have wanted to inspect and with one exception it has been prompt.”

From paragraph three: “I am obliged to note some recent disturbing incidents and harassment. For instance, for some time farfetched allegations have been made publicly that questions posed by inspectors were of intelligence character. While I might not defend every question that inspectors might have asked, Iraq knows that they do not serve intelligence purposes and Iraq should not say so.”

From paragraph six: “I am disappointed to announce that the old saying is true: you really can’t get good Iraqi food in Iraq.”

From paragraph nine: “Iraq has declared that it only produced VX chemicals on a pilot scale, just a few tonnes and that the quality was poor and the product unstable….UNMOVIC, however, has information that conflicts with this account.”

From paragraph ten: “Before I continue, I’d like to send a shout out with much love to Billy Joel. You will always be the UN inspection team’s 'Piano Man.'"

From paragraph twelve: “There are strong indications that Iraq produced more anthrax than it declared, and that at least some of this was retained after the declared destruction date. It might still exist.”

From paragraph fourteen: “The discovery of a number of 122 mm chemical rocket warheads in a bunker at a storage depot 170 km southwest of Baghdad was much publicized. This was a relatively new bunker and therefore the rockets must have been moved there in the past few years, at a time when Iraq should not have had such munitions.”

From paragraph fifteen: “Yes, this is digging up old dirt, but it cannot be left unsaid: most of this trouble could have been avoided had simply Justin been declared the rightful winner of ‘American Idol.’”

From paragraph seventeen: “Any further sign of the concealment of documents would be serious. The Iraqi side committed itself at our recent talks to encourage persons to accept access also to private sites. There can be no sanctuaries for proscribed items, activities or documents. A denial of prompt access to any site would be a very serious matter.”

From paragraph eighteen: “Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got. I'm still, I'm still Hans from the block. Used to have a little, now I have a lot. No matter where I go, I know where I came from (from Uppsala, Sweden!)”

From paragraph nineteen: “Wherever you are Max von Sydow, all is forgiven. Come home to Daddy Blix.”

From paragraph twenty: “Giraffes enchant me.”

From paragraph twenty-three: “Whenever I feel Kofi’s gaze upon me my nipples tingle.”

From paragraph twenty-four: “For the record, myself and the many eager members of the UN inspection team would like to inspect Kirstin Dunst. We think she’s the bomb.”

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