The Aftermath [Nov 5, 2002]

As the polls have come in tonight, it seems that I have lost my non-race for the United States House of Representatives. My lack of campaigning, clever slogans, slander and posters has made it impossible for voters to understand my need for ego stroking that only a national election could provide. In some ways I could say that I’m rather disappointed. But in other, much more accurate ways, I’m rather relieved.

Everyone would probably lump me in with other first year Congresswomen like Katherine Harris. I’d probably have to spend all my time with her in some sister bonding bullshit -- learning the ropes, attending beginning of the term keg parties, braiding each other’s hair during filibusters, getting her to tell secrets about the 2000 election and how she stole it for the Bush family in exchange for millions of dollars in a Swiss bank account… You know, girly stuff.

And I wouldn’t want to move to D.C. and find a home, let alone the nuances that come with changing cities -- new restaurants, bars, friends, dog runs, gym, coffee, miscellaneous recreation, bowling… Or tell my landlord that I have to skip town real quick on official government business only to find a new one who won’t forgive a few credit blips? No thank you. I just resigned my lease and got that damn faucet fixed.

So I guess I should be thanking the voters of Chicago. But I won’t. Because even though I hate the reality of having to move in the middle of winter, it still would have been nice to win a popularity contest at the ripe age of 25. I’d like to be a winner. And show them all. Show them real good.