More than a few words from Joel Turnipseed
Last week, late night. I'm sitting in my swivel chair, camera and hot lights shining down on my airbrushed face, as I hear reports of seven Army truck drivers assassinated by the Iraqis. Since I'm a war pundit for these minutes, I’m asked by the Washington correspondent how I feel about that and the fact that we’ve discovered a chemical weapons plant, which, I later learn, is not true. I'd like to say, “War is a complete and utter fucking waste. Pointless.” Instead I say: “Blah, blah, fuckity, blah.” Isn’t that what I’m being paid to say? Isn’t that, really, what you want to hear? Doesn’t it help, depending on your tastes, to quell your fears or fire your rage?
Read between the lines, people. When you see many of us on Fox News or CNN, it’s because we’ve crawled up the ass of the beast and are waving little warning flags to you from behind its eyes. It’s either me or some stooge who’s convinced that God waves red, white, and blue pom-poms and whose nephew owns a paint company that’s going to get the contract to draw stripes on the glass parking lot that will be the new Middle East.
Actually, let me raise this rant a notch. This war isn’t about good versus evil. It’s about a somewhat evil versus really fucking evil. It's about very damaged fuck-ups versus ignorant psychopaths. Luckily, most Marines are just very damaged fuck-ups, so we’re safer than we think.
It all became clear one night when I was busy getting drunk and taking a call on a North Dakota talk-radio show from my hotel room in New York. Bill called in to ask how come there’s so many Iraqis in Baghdad, because, “I know the Chinese ladies have three or four kids at a time like our pigs, but how they get so many of them people in the desert?” I respond by saying, “Well, Bill, it is the cradle of civilization. I guess they’ve just had a couple thousand extra years of urban living to get a head start.” His follow-up question is, “Well, how we gonna get rid of ‘em all?”
Meantime, on Bill's behalf, a US tank commander is sending a pair of 120mm shells down the alleys of Kifl, Iraq. The vacuum sucks the Fedayeen irregulars out of their hiding spots, where they are gunned down by M16s and M60 machine guns in the streets or run over by tanks. The tank commander refuses to tell Reuters his name, for fear of having his neighbors identify him and his future lifetime of nightmares.
In my last post to you I said that I would do my part by shutting up more often and asking others to tell THEIR stories. Well, as it happens, I shared my recent flight from New York to Minneapolis with a seventy-eight year-old WWII leatherneck. He’d joined the Corps when he was 16, and lost his right kneecap island-hopping in the Pacific. He'd quit school when he was in sixth grade, but still raised nine children and built an inner-city real estate empire in St. Paul and its immediate suburbs.
He said to me, during our flight, “Yeah, kiddo, you probably feel a lot of pain and embarassment about the Marines. But give it ten years. You’ll find your pride in the Corps. Me, it took me that long. Or longer.” Most of his buddies had died somewhere between Guadalcanal and Okinawa. Most of his kids, evidently, hated him. Most of this pain, and its recognition, was worn into the wrinkles of his face. Is there really pride somewhere in that? Maybe. Can we imagine it? Not sure. Is there pride, or dignity, for men like him?
There should be, but no talking head on the news can give it to them. No matter what we think of this war, we need to listen honestly to the stories of the guys coming home. Even the fuck-ups. Maybe, I should say, especially them.
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